Dating too early after divorce
While my date was moving forward, I was stuck in reverse.When she engaged me in conversation, I mumbled one-word answers.
I clung to the foolish idea that a new woman could make my sorrow disappear, so I went on a few more disastrous dates.The fact is, it's nearly impossible to hide a broken heart; I know I fooled no one when I was trying to do so.My anxiety was evidenced by my inability to make eye contact with a date, which was a sign to women that the lights were on but no one was home emotionally.When I felt ready to date, I met a savvy woman who asked me a defining first-date question: "What did you learn from your last relationship?" I explained that I had taken a sabbatical from dating and had spent that time examining my feelings and my relationship behavior.Most people come out of it on the other end and get to a more reasonable, integrated perspective,” he says.
While women may also engage in a post divorce time of free love, their biology makes it harder for them to have just sex.” That’s because if sex leads to orgasm, the brain gets washed with oxytocin, the hormone that stimulates feelings of attachment, especially for women. It’s easy to fall into the trap of intending something to be causal and have it turn out not to be.
In time, I realized that ignoring my feelings had just kept the pain alive.
My mantra became "Don't think, feel." To my surprise, and great relief, after several months my spirits began to rise.
I felt proud that I could answer her question with something substantive.
Most men I knew didn't take time between relationships.
They mentioned a few months of introspection as a good start. At first I kept the television on, but I couldn't pay attention — it was just noise.