After some very unsuccessful attempts at readying myself for romance, I realized I was in pretty bad shape and needed to spend time refilling my emotional tank—focusing on my daughter, my job, my friendships, and self-care.'Self-care after a divorce can help you reclaim your sense of worth and value, which can suffer in the aftermath of a split, especially if it was messy,' says Sibel Golden, a psychotherapist and Expressive Arts Therapist in Seattle and founder of Real Food Real Beauty. Think of it as nurturing yourself with a balance of activities that you enjoy, as well as solitude and introspection.' When I finally came up for air and felt ready to go for it, I figured authenticity was the best approach.
'Even as you are more self-aware and clear about the values, lifestyle, and personality that you are looking for in a person, there is certainly still a vulnerability that goes along with dating,' Golden says.In the beginning, I had fun making elaborate plans for first dates.I live in suburban New Jersey but would trek into New York City to meet a guy at a restaurant, bar and one time, the Bronx Zoo.When I responded to his post, I wasn't thinking of the practicalities—I just liked his picture and his profile.Six years later, after much wear-and-tear on our respective cars, we are still dating—and meditating together.My mantra became 'love awaits,' with an emphasis on the 'wait' part.
The wide world of Internet dating primes a fantasy that the next hit will be your dream man.
Getting back in the dating game after decades of marriage is a challenge for even the most practiced flirt.
After my divorce at age 40, I fantasized heading out to bars, whooping it up at late night parties, and endless hours in local coffee shops hoping to catch the eye of the cute guy at the next table.
' Returning to the dating scene is definitely a time for taking stock of how things have changed.
'Take some time to get to know yourself anew before you put yourself out there again,' Goldin says.
'Try not to judge yourself, or your date, too harshly.