Information about dating a herpes carrier
Although they tell potential partners at different points in the relationship, Carlson and Davis’ actual disclosure process is pretty similar.They both say it can be nerve-racking, but a few things help: sitting the person down in a place that’s comfortable for them, trying not to be too emotional, starting off with something like, “Hey, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” and bringing a wealth of knowledge to the conversation.“I always try to be calm and not too clinical but explain that I have done the research,” Carlson says.
But all the self-acceptance in the world doesn’t erase the fact that a herpes diagnosis creates ripple effects of shame and social isolation, and the fallout is especially pronounced when it comes to your dating life.“It’s good to have the conversation because there is a potential risk of transmission,” Cherrell Triplett, M.D., an ob/gyn who practices at Southside OBGYN and Franciscan Alliance in Indianapolis, Indiana, tells SELF.Although telling someone you’re interested in can be intimidating, there are different ways to do it, and you might find one easier than the others.“I really wonder if it would have changed things to wait until we had connected more.”On the flip side, she’s also dated “quite a few guys who didn’t care at all” even though she told them ASAP.Davis usually holds off on disclosing to potential sexual partners that she has herpes until she’s known them for a bit.When she was diagnosed with herpes almost three years ago, Whitney Carlson, 29, a social media editor in Chicago, had a similar reaction.
“I mostly thought, ‘I’m going to die alone, no one’s going to date me ever again,” she tells SELF.
Hi there, I've been dating my boyfriend for 9 months, and he has HSV2 (he's had it for about a year and a half). He was so amazing about it, and I was so blown away by the fact that he told me prior to us having sex that I continued to date him.
I've been tested very recently, and do not have HSV1 or HSV2. I'll be honest, I think part of me was crossing my fingers that a few more dates in I would find him less appealing, but it didn't happen like that.
“If they want to cut and run, I haven’t invested too much of myself in it.”But in the future, she thinks she’ll take her time disclosing as long as she gets it done before engaging in sexual activities that would put the other person at risk.
“On a first date with this wonderful guy, I told him, and he couldn’t handle it,” she says.
Some people put an incognito message in their profiles on general dating sites, writing out 437737—it spells “herpes” on a dial pad—in their profiles.