Women who are intimidating to men
And as long as you’re going against the grain, gender-wise, the whole world is going to believe that you’re doing it wrong.All of the gendered bullshit they carry around with them that controls their behavior gets in the way of being able to formulate an objective answer.
You’ll think that you’re smoothly presenting your best self or whatever the hell, but underneath that smooth exterior there will be a conflicted, roiling, angry sea of premature assumptions about who you are (great, rejected) and who he is (afraid, weak, rejecting) and how it will all play out (crash and burn).He is afraid that he may not be able to live up to her standards. You often see gorgeous women going out with men who are not-so-attractive.That is because most women like men who have a pleasing personality and the guts to ask them out in the first place.You still think you know everything about him before he’s opened his mouth. You’ve worked so hard to get here, to be a success, to look decent, to own your own place, but romantically, you feel like you’re being handed a giant shit sandwich for your efforts.And so everything he does will fall neatly in line with your script. I’ve always hated this story about how smart, successful, direct women are scary to men.The fact that everyone you know is telling you the same goddamn thing says more about this tendency than it does about the way the world works.
These people are the ones who are afraid to give an original answer, like, say, “You’re really fucking bossy sometimes,” or “You come straight out of the gate acting like a guy owes you something.” They’re seeing something about you that’s probably off-putting at the outset, but since they don’t want to get into the specifics of that with you, they just use the closest proximal one-size-fits-all dipshitty cultural cliché and package their real feelings inside of that, leaving them and you blameless.
Most of the men I know would leap out of their skin with joy at meeting a woman who’s hot and smart and has an established career and asks for what she wants directly.
I don’t believe that the men I know well are an exception to the rule.
Having empathy for a man you assume is shivering in your presence is not the answer.
You’re still sure that he’s afraid of you, the poor fuck. You think, “Fuck, it’s happening again.” He thinks, “She seems pretty great, but why is she already pissed at me? You’re so sure that everything amazing about you turns men off.
So it’s not just This Dude, it’s The President, it’s Men Today or Men Always.